Just another Wednesday

PM: Ok ministers, enough with the chatting, our weekly meeting's about to start. Secretary, what's the 1st agenda?

Sec: The reports sir.

PM: Reports? What reports?

Sec: Those reports sir. The ministers are suppose to brief you on the ....

PM: Aaaah yes, the reports. Ok, ok. Minister5 please tell me about the fishing project that your family was given. I understand, the government gave you 370 million to start a fish project so that we won't be dependent on fish from Thailand.

Minister89: What? 370 million? My family was given only 200 plus million only.

PM: That one for meat, not all take meat. Hindus don't take that meat, this is fish, everybody eats fish. Ok minister5, your report please.

Minister5: Thank you PM. First I would like to thank the PM for having faith in my family by giving us this unsecured loan. We are presently sourcing out for some sampans and nets.

PM: Ok, good, good, there is progress here. How much have you spent already?

Minister5: Actually we have used up all the loan and we would like to ask for another about half a billion to carry on.

Minister102: You are only sourcing out for sampans and the money sudah habis ka? How come?

PM: Yes, I would like to know. Good question Minister102.

Minister5: Actually, we have bought a few office lots in Dubai for our office and a few Condos and penthouses in Dubai, Qatar, Singapore, KL and Haadyai. Then, we purchased some BMWs and 2 Ferrari for my son the CEO. Of course there are travelling expenses, hotels, entertainment, credit card bills and the obligatory donations.

PM: Oh, you have donated? Good, good. Have you caught any fish yet?

Minister5: If you approved the additional half billion loan, then I am certain that after buying some more office lots and condos in New York, Paris and London, we could start buying at least 5 sampans to start but to motorise the sampans, I am afraid you would have to add another 2 to 3 hundred million more.

PM: Ok, ok, we would look into that and I would get back to you later.

Minister7: PM, could you give my family an unsecured loan of about 700 million to start off a belacan project so that we wouldn't have to import belacan from the Falklands anymore?

Public Enemy

Spy1: Boss, we have cornered the suspect.

Boss: Where? Do not do anything yet, wait for my instructions.

Spy1: At Brothers Barber Shop Sungai 2 boss. I think he is trying to change his hair style to fool us.

Boss: Good, stay with him and wait for back-up. A platoon of marines from the US of A will be with you soon.

Spy1: Why do we need the marines for boss? We could do it ourselves.

Boss: Shut up you fool. Don't you know that he is dangerous? That;s why he is high up in the most wanted list.

Spy1: But boss, we have 30 men fully armed, why hire marines from the US of A?

Boss: They are the best, anyway, they only cost 50 million a day.

Spy2: Boss, suspect is coming out of the barber shop and is taking his Suzuki scooter towards TESCO Sg 2.

Boss: Stay with him, I repeat, stay with him, the marines are at the traffic lights in front of TESCO, they will get him there.

Spy2: Okay boss, roger and out.

(After 10 minutes)

Spy1: Boss, we have apprehended the suspect. He was about to make the exchange when the marines stormed in. Only 5 civilian casualties boss. Caught in cross-fire boss.

Boss: Good. Never mind about the casualties, collateral damage. Did you get everything on video? We need the video in court to prove this dangerous transaction.

Spy1: Yes boss, in HD some more.

Boss: Good, we will make sure he rots in jail. Anyway, did you get the evidence?

Spy1: Yes, boss, the RM200 book voucher is now in our custody.

Calling For Freedom

If you love peace and justice and if you believe we Malaysian can live together irrespective of race, religion and colour then you must see this.

ALHAMDULILLAH

NOT GUILTY says the judge and also the millions of level-headed justice loving people. Only UMNO arseholes believe otherwise. Of course they will appeal but that is for another day.

ALHAMDULILLAH

Just in case UMNO arseholes do not know how to count, how many do you think came? 1 hundred? 2 hundred?

But Tuan ......

Awang: Hello tuan, can you please help me?

Tuan: Sure we are always here to help. Are you poor?

Awang: Yes, tuan I am very poor tuan. I only get 700 a month and must support a wife a 5 children.

Tuan: Oh, how sad. How may I help you?

Awang: You see tuan recently because my children very hungry I stole from the supermarket and got caught. The court fined me RM3000 tuan so can I borrow to pay the fine?

Tuan: Hey! This is Pusat Urus Zakat, not Ah Long. We don't help these cases all.

Awang: But Tuan, why Menteri can borrow?

Kicap Cap Sia

Manager: Boss, I am sad to report that our sales have dropped quite a lot la.

Boss: I know and that worries me. Do you have any ideas on what to do?

Manager: I don't know la boss. Everything we do just didn't catch fire la.

Boss: Let me see the product again. Hmmm! I know, lets change the name of the product, add more colours.          get a catchy name.

Manager: You mean a new product?

Boss: Sort of.

Manager: I don't get you

Boss: Instead of Kicap Cap Isa, we change it to Kicap Cap Sia. Just add a little more Ajinimoto inside, change the labeling to make it attractive and offer a bigger bottle for the price of the old one.

Manager: Do you think the people would buy it?

Boss: Do you have any other idea?

Manager: What about close shop?
         

Please don't go!!!!!!!

Mat: Please, please don't go. Where am I going to find another partner like you? Please. Don't you cherish all the good times we had together?

Dollah: Noooooo! I'd rather die than to be without you please, don't go. Please, please, I can't take this.

Samad: What is life without you? If you must leave, then please take me with you. I've never had a partner like you before.

John: No, we have to go. It saddens us to go what with your tin and rubber but we must leave. Remember, you were never colonised, you were a partner, an equal partner. You have been independent all this while. Thanks for your gifts of rubber and tin. Her Majesty sincerely appreciated it. Bye-bye partner. Remember, whatever people may say about our relationship, one day a chosen one by the name of KELING would clear the air.