The Holiday

Ah Seng: Hey Ahmad ah, where you want to go? Why got so many balang one? You want to imigilate ka?

Ahmad: Aiya Seng, where got immigrate, this is my country what, your country oso. No la I want to go to Sabah la, long time never take my family for holiday there one.

Ah Seng: Wah! You cuti cuti Melaysia ka? Good la, take family go for holiday. I choose a cheaper holiday for my family la. Just bought a house so cannot spend so much for holiday.

Ahmad: Never mind one Seng, where you go oso still the same one, still Malaysyia jugak what. I go to Sabah because my brader got work there one, so can stay in his house, no need to spend in hotel.

Ah Seng: Ah good, good, in bad times like this we must save for the lainy day one. I thought you oso got blader in Johor, why you no go there? There oso good what.

Ahmad: Aiya, last year I go there oredi so this year go Sabah pulak la, some more my brader want to take me to one place very special. He say, this one very difficult to find one.

Ah Seng: Wah, got special thing there ka? What ah?

Ahmad: There you see in The Star today.

Ah Seng: Aiyaaa! This one ka, I oso want to see this one with my family one. My children eveliday kacau me want to see but no need to go Sabah one. That is why my family going to Putrajaya for holiday.

The Implication

Samdol: Hey biol, what are you doing here selling air tebu? Why, you are helping someone out ka?

Biol: No la dol, I am doing this as part time job la.

Samdol: What! Part time job? You must be joking.

Biol: No Dol, this is for real.

Samdol: You know what's wrong with you?

Biol: What?

Samdol: You are simply too greedy la.

Biol: What do you mean greedy?

Samdol: You already have so much money and yet you are still looking for more.

Biol: No Dol, you got it wrong. Yes, I HAD so much but not anymore. I have sold off my Accord coz can't afford the instalments and I have sold the bungalow also because of the instalments.

Samdol: Why? They potong your gaji ka?

Biol: No they did worse than that, they don't give us overtime anymore.

Samdol: You mean all your wealth, is,, or rather was because of overtime?

Biol: Yes la Dol, my pay is just the same as any other government servant's but my overtime is, er, was fantastic but now no more.

Samdol: Oh I see, the economy must be really bad that even the government is cutting back on OTs.

Biol: No its not because of the economy, it's something else.

Samdol: Something else? Er, if you don't mind me asking, though we have been friends for sometime now but in which department do you actually work?

Biol: The MACC, Interogation department.

The Appeal

This Court hereby overturns the ruling made by the High Court on the 16th of November 2009

Dated

15 November 2009.

ALHAMDULILLAH

If my post "A Belated 30th Anniversary Present'' was a post written in jest and was meant as a swipe at the administrators of the country's billions, this post today is the real deal.

Yes, dear readers, today marks a milestone in my life, the life of a ordinary Malaysian teacher; the life of a typical Malaysian, but today makes this very ordinary Malaysian feel a little bit special. Alhamdulillah.

Exactly today 30 years ago I married my darling wife. Yes, 30 blissful years have passed and along with them we were responsible to add 3 new citizens to this country. I could say that I am lucky to not have many memories that I would rather forget. Alhamdulillah.

She is amazing really and I owe her a lot for 30 years of sheer joy. It's experiencing 30 years like this that makes me thank ALLAH I was born. Alhamdulillah.

Looking back over the years surely the birth of my 3 lovely angels were the highlight of my life followed of course by the countless days hours of sheer ecstatic joy. Alhamdulillah.

We have been a close knit family ever since we were a family. We still congregate on my bed in my little cosy bedroom, all the 5 of us, and tell stories, share experiences, make fun of each other, and I being the so-called Patriarch, am not spared. Alhamdulillah.

Though my children are all adults now, we still go out together a lot. Of course they have their own life to lead and I give them all the freedom to make their own decisions and to learn from their own mistakes which I am happy to say are not many and very far in between. Alhamdulillah.

Thank you ALLAH for blessing me with this wonderful woman for a wife and my 3 lovely babies. I must have done something good in life to deserve such a wonderful blessing from you. Alhamdulillah.

How I wished that I could see 30 more years of blissful life with her and them. InsyaAllah.

Immoral

The Star reported that leakage in government spending is so bad, that overpayment could reach RM28 billion this year and a few days after that someone said that CUEPACS's claim of bonus is immoral.

Phhhh! PKFZ, which puts millions into the pockets of those who already have millions is not immoral; asking for bonuses, which puts a minimum of 1K into the pockets of those who owe Bank Rakyat many years wages, just to live, is bloody immoral.

I wonder how much would a month's bonus cost the treasury? Surely it could not be 28 billion? Correct me if I am wrong, the term overpayment, as far as I know it, is something like paying 400 ringgit for a 100 ringgit table; paying 2 million per kilometer for a 500K per kilometer road; buying an aircraft for 100 million which other countries pay about 25 million or worse still paying 40K for a 3K computer.

Shit, after going through all of the above, I am convinced it is CUEPACS that is immoral. Why? Because, Utusan, Berita, NST, The Star, TV1,2,3,7 and 9 said so. Come on they can't be wrong. After all, they are institutions of high intergrity.

Oh yes, I wonder if travelling first class for a holiday in Disneyland with the extended family is not immoral (forgive the double negative).

A belated 30th Anniversary Present

The other day I saw an advert for an decent condo and it screamed 600K. Well I guess the amount's not too much to pay for a condo in hugely over-priced Penang. Anyway it has got a trully magnificent view of the sea and Penang Bridge and if I am lucky, with a good pair of scopes, on a bright moonlit night, I could spy on amorous couples doing contact yoga and practicing their Kamasutra positions behind some of the bushes overlooking the block.

I would really love to get my hands on a Honda Accord. No not the 3.0 machine, a simple 2.4 one would suffice but do you think 200 big ones could land me one of those mean machines? Anyway, I have budgeted a maximum of 200K for wheels. My 5 year old Proton Wira Aeroback is just too old for a Malaysian car.

Oh, I forgot, I budgeted a further 200K to furnish the Condo and get me another covered parking lot. I think I'll get me a 60" new-crazed LED TV and a good home theatre to watch all those sci-fi blue ray discs which I had long intended to buy. Yes, only originals would do. A few smaller LED tvs for the other rooms and some very comfortable sofas, and other needfuls and the extra covered parking lot would put the lid on my furnishing expenses.

A nice 2 week cruise cum holiday to nowhere for 7, first class all the way that is, would eat into my budget a bit but what the heck, you only live once.

I have also budgeted about up to 400K for a mini cinema which will screen reruns in the day time and porn at nights to ensure that I have enough money to pay for the service fee for the condo.

Whatever little left would be spent on brand new mobile phones, a good video camera and of course a high-end gaming desktop to play solitaire.

All in it would cost me about 1.5 million and at the current exchange rate, it is just nice. Now the biggest stumbling block would be how do I pay for all these in Ruppiahs because that's the amount the 500 Najib is giving us DG41 to DG54 servants of the people in January, would fetch.

Hopefully the Ruppiah does not pick up strength against the Ringgit, at least till after we get paid. I promised my wife a belated 30th anniversary present and now I am in the position to give her more. Anyway, my wife and  I would be celebrating our 30th anniversary on the 11th of November. You can send your gifts through the boss of the MACC who would vet them and certify clean and not meant to corrupt. Don't you know tackling corruption is an important theme of this year's budget?

The Expert.

Ah Chong: Good afternoon doc, long time no see, you must be very busy lately?

Doc: Yes la, even my wife is complaining, this inquest is taking up too much of my time la.

Ah Chong: Yes la doc, how come still not over yet? What's taking so long?

Doc: It should be over by now but those people want to bring in a foreign expert as if local experts are not good enough.

Ah Chong: But doc, I saw a programe in Astro about her and her works, she is good la.

Doc: I know she is good and experienced but this is a straight forward case. I could conduct the autopsy with my eyes closed.

Ah Chong: Well did you?

Doc: Did I what?

Ah Chong: Conduct the autopsy with your eyes closed?

Doc: No la that was a figure of speech only la, what I mean, is that the case is no big deal. One more thing, as much as I respect her, I think this time she got it wrong la. The other doctor and I concur on suicide and she comes to suggest that it was homicide.

Ah Chong: Maybe she saw something that you all did not see?

Doc: No, impossible, we scrutinised every inch of the body and the scene. We are also very experienced people la.

David: Dad, dad, come quick, come faster dad, its Rover, dad come quick dad.

Ah Chong: Hey that is my son David. Something must be very wrong, lets go see.

Doc: Yes la, he seems to bde in distress, lets go.

Ah Chong: What's wrong son, what happened? Oh noooooooo!  What happened to Rover? Where's his head?

David: Dad, Rover's dead dad, someone killed him. Look, they cut his head and hind legs off. Who could do such a thing dad? Oh no, Rover, Rover.

Ah Chong: Oh, God, Rover, why would anyone want to do such a thing to you?

Doc: Now, now, now. Ah Chong, David, compose yourselves. I am sad too with what happened.

Ah Chong: Doc, who could have done such a thing? Rover is such a good dog. He hardly barks at anyone, why would they want to do such a thing?

Doc: Let me see if I could find some clues that could help us find out what actually happened and who are the perpetrators of this hideous crime.

David: Please la uncle, please help us find out who did this.

Doc: Hmmm, hmmmmm, Huh! a machete, this must be the weapon used. See how fast I found the weapon? I am such an experienced man and still they want to bring in a Thai expert.

Ah Chong: Please la doc, leave the inquest alone and look into this. I want to know who did it. They killed him with my own machete. That machete is mine.

Doc: Don't worry Ah Chong, David. You can rest assured that I will get to the bottom of this. Hmmm, look at this trail here, it leads to the roof. Hah! I got it, my god, am I good or am I good. I have solved the case. Look here at this trail, it leads to the window of that room up there.

Ah Chong: Yes la doc, do you thing the killers got into the house and got into the room to kill Rover?

Doc: No, no, don't jump to conclusions. I have years of experience. This is how it all happened. Rover was chained near your garage right?

Ah Chong: Yes, just next to the garage.

Doc: You kept the machete in the store in your garage right?

Ah Chong: Yes, how do you know?

Doc: I am trained in all these remember. You see, from all the evidence that I gather here and I am 100 percent sure that Rover, broke loose from his chains, got into your garage and took out the machete. He then ran upstairs into that room and jumped down. On the way down, he used his front legs to sever both his hind legs and just before hitting the ground, he used the same legs to completely sever his head off. There you are. No need to blame anyone, it's SUICIDE.